Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Friday, April 26, 1991
i was never like this before.
that's what i remembered when i was lying down on my bed after throwing a ...
i notice this drastic change in me.
and i knew what was the reason.
i guess, when one first took the train, one wouldn't expect any changes in their life after that except happiness.
my compulsive behavior cost a change in me. also hurting people as well.
i was ignorant in the past.
the long walk back from MC house was what i needed.
enjoying the nightfall scenery and the quietness.
tranquility.
and of course in every situation like this, we will often ponder. long thoughts.
but at times like this, we get tired of thinking too and decide to enjoy the quietness.
i felt tired walking back because of the gym session during the evening and the disturbance in my sleep.
and that's what i wanted. but not really satisfying.
my eyes were heavy.
yes.
my legs were dragging because of the ache.
yes.
but my mind was still alert, thinking about so many things that i just wanted it to stop and just make it heavy. i wanted booze at that time. i really do.
reach home. still dragging my feet and opened the door lazily.
surf the web and i got aggitated again.
decide to take a bathe.
i just love the feeling of water trickling down my face. i squat on the floor using the wall to support my back. i left the shower on, the feeling of water hitting my face definitely felt good and it cooled me.
spent quite some time inside cooling myself.
came out feeling freezing cold as i did not dry myself at all and just a towel wrapping over my hip.
freezing but i wanted it. to numb something else.
finally after much torture, i decide to dry myself.
another feeling gushed into me.
it was the feeling of being refreshed.
surf the web again. pissed again.
and i threw a ... and lay on my bed. and that explains what i did before.
my blog. the only thing that i can tell to. though there's no reply word of comfort, but i'm glad enough to vent it out.
i really hate people to see this post.
