Saturday, September 29, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Updated.
Edited.
I know it is a long story but I guess it is worth to read. Take your time.
When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love.
This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn't help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.
Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.
The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.
Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old. I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy. I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove
to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
SOMEONE threw a ball at me.
Want relieve stress? Buy the new Stress relieve milk, retail price, $65.
Cheers.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Cold and rainy day.
Let's define stupidity.
Stupidity: Knocked your head on the table while sleeping and 3 people saw it. One of them was a teacher and she laughed.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Wow, my intuition was right, I was late today. First time being late in my education years in Fajar.
Leonel was late too, what a nice coincidence. Missed English period by the time we went back to class, Mrs Li did not come today, so lessons today were pretty much made up of slacking and EATING. Leonel and I missed those boring lessons like English and Maths. Received a good news during the 5 rounds run/walk in the field. My Social Studies mark was a great surprised for me, I expected a C6 because the 3 essays that came out, were not the ones I studied so I just crap throughout the essay, using just my general knowledge. However I scored better than a C6, a lot better. Regarding the Social Studies for olevel, I'm just studying 2 chapters.
Here are the results for Prelims and targets for olevel:
People may think that I'm crazy regarding my Amaths grade but I have my reasons for that F9. Didn't expect that I would add my Mother Tongue into my L1B4/L1R5. Guess it was quite important after all.
I will try to stop building sandcastles in the air and lift up my fat ass to the study chair and start studying. Mug hard guys! You people are the muggers, I'm the bottler.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Happy mid-autumn festival to everyone!
9 people were absent from school today, a much quieter class today.
Last P.E lesson in my life meaning no more NAPHA? How I wish.
Social Studies results will be released tomorrow.
Why do I have this funny feeling that I will be late for school tomorrow?
Extras: Let us all make a bra with a towel.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Just finished watching Arts Central about a man having echo-locating skills. Quite amazing as it required a lot of discipline and confidence as he was blind and he can navigate without the use of a walking stick but just his own 'click'. Boring week, mugging and more muggings, never ending chore.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Study studies studying studied.
School tomorrow, BORING.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Woke up at around 11.30am, preparing to go to my dental appointment at orchard. Went there to take my X-tray and it cost $140. After that I took the bus back home to meet dar dar while my parents continues their shopping there. Met up with them and it was bla bla bla after that. So tired now, going to study tomorrow, enjoyed today.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Will post my results and targets once I got all my results.
Time and tide wait for no man!
On to study now.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Feeling haggard this past 2 days and tends to take a nap, which I took yesterday. Today almost fell asleep again so I dragged my foot to the bathroom and had a bath. Really cannot afford to take naps anymore because I'm doing super intensive revision now. Argh, don't wish to continue, so I'm going to stop here. Amaths.............................. I didn't want that to happen =(
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Took a nap once I came back home, wanted to study actually but had a sudden headache and I was lethargic since morning. Ying Jie than let us tried ice wine, Nicholas and I drank and we found it nice as the taste was just like lemon barley however when Ying Jie and Leonel drank, they felt horrible because of the strong ginger taste? I didn't even taste any ginger and I hate ginger especially. Humans...strange creatures.
Getting back our amaths paper1 result just sucks even though I knew that I failed. Just thinking why is life so unfair, retribution? From what? I want to find the cause and solve it. Did badly for ALL Amaths major exams throughout the whole 2 years but when things got much better this year, I failed because of a stomachache, guess it is just my ill-fated life. When Mrs Li was speaking to me, I don't even want to look at her as I would had cried as I was on the verge of doing so. Mrs Li said that she want to SCREW ME. Wow. o.0 LOL! Felt better during mother tongue as Leonel and I was just crapping away. Anyway, I passed my Mother Tongue! Hell yeah!
I hate arrogant people and today I felt arrogance by someone. Fucked up people, must one go around asking other people's marks if you are super good? I jealous? Never, one having an attitude of arrogance is bad enough so I would be 10 times better than you so why would I feel jealous? Such attitude will definitely make you suffer in the workforce.
Alright, enough of that, my dad came home today so my house is filled with food and more food. Damn a lot of boxes of mooncake, all from China.
Come on N95 (8GB) when are you coming out?!?! Be quick, you are too sexy and I just want to hold tightly in my bare hands and violate you by touching your buttons and sliding you up and down. Obscene? Who cares. This is what all phones should look like.
I hope people wouldn't talk to me about dogs anymore as I'm just hanging by a thin thread to take back my word. I really can't resist the looks of the dogs.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Some results were out today.
I'm going to sleep. =)
Monday, September 17, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Just did my part as a filial son and helped my mother prepare dinner so she can come home from work immediately and start cooking. Ain't I good? ( did this because I was famished, I want dinner fast!)
Woke up and bathe, while bathing was contemplating about the dog issue. In the end, I came out a decision of not buying one, seems that there are more cons than pros. I can't believe that the one thing that I had been bugging my parents for years, and now they agree, I don't want it. Reverse psychology eh? But I will sure get one when I start my own family next time!
Last 2 papers today for Preliminary exams and it's 24 more days to olevel. How nice, olevel is finally nearing and this will be one of the cornerstones in our life. Do it well, and get over with it.
Results will be out tomorrow, good results? Not really. Tomorrow will be a wake up call which I really need it now, no motivation to study anymore. How I love tomorrow, fun and exciting day.
Now it's not the time to give up on subjects to those who are giving up. Don't because of this once failure and not trying again, failure to try is trying to fail. No one sucks at anything, I don't suck at mother tongue either, I just have no interest in it. If you have not been fairing well lately, change your study habits, as long as you work hard, any subject that you did not fair well throughout the year, will produce good results this time. Stupid people does not exists in this world, only lazy bums. Everyone has talent, just waiting to be unlocked. Efforts will always be paid off ( if don't, you really suck at it, don't say I'm a liar =D).
Just felt bored so I typed that above thing, kill time (how I wish I can really do that, how I wish time will be my loyal servant, how I wish I have lots of money, how I wish I'm smart. How I Wished! Stop wishing and go back to reality, life is like a straw and it really sucks, the world isn't fair since the day god created it, AMEN!).
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Going study after my lunch.
Can't get my Nokia N95 on next Saturday. =(
Because of the dumb Nokia N95 (8GB) coming out somewhere this late September, when it comes out, N95 will be dirt cheap. Damn, so I'll be getting my N95 (8GB) on mid October I think. If the price is $1000 or less.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
It's 12.27am now and it is freaking hot (partly my fault too because I'm too lazy to move my fat ass across 1 metre from my position to on the fan and 2 metres across me to open the windows). Even without a shirt, I'm still perspiring, going to take a cool bath after this post. Yesterday's mother tongue paper went well, just that my stupid dictionary went off after like 20mins after the paper so I asked Mr Lee for 2 AAA batteries.
Phew, luckily he came back with the batteries, with my primary school standard mother tongue, I can't write much without a dictionary. Thanks a lot!
Lesson learnt: Bring extra batteries.
Went home for a quick change and went out again, so bloody sleepy and tired today, mother tongue really drains a lot of my energy. What a torturous subject.
Finally the Marriott hotel mooncakes arrived. Tried their new blueberry cheesecake mooncake, it's nice! Wanted to let dar dar try but she can't eat cheese. Awwww. =(
Today, is my yesterday because I haven't sleep.
Will edit this post when I wake up later.
Edited:
Out with dar dar today. Had lots of fun. Thanks for the necklace =)
Today enjoy, tomorrow mug hard!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Good Charlotte - Break Apart her Heart
When you call she doesn't answer, when you write she doesn't answer
You go out you see him with her, she told you she was sick at home
The ring you gave her thrown away with all the letters
And when you see him with her, he doesn't even care at all
As she follows him around like you follow her around
He doesn't even care and your figuring out
The only way your gonna keep somebody around
Well I'm about to let you know
There's something I don't wanna understand
The only way a woman is gonna want a man
The only way you'll ever keep her in your hands
Is breaking apart her heart
Don't tell her she is the reason that you live
Don't give her everything that you got to give
If you want to keep the girl for as long as you live
Just break it apart her heart
Can't you see shes the way she's crying
Well thats what keeps her trying, she knew that she could have you
And he don't give her what she wants
There's truth about this, you say you want to be noticed
Well if you want to be noticed you gotta learn to break some hearts
Don't try to understand
There's something I don't wanna understand
The only way a woman is gonna want a man
The only way you'll ever keep her in your hands
Is breaking apart her heart
Don't tell her she is the reason that you live
Don't give her everything that you got to give
If you want to keep the girl for as long as you live
Just break it apart her heart
Can't you see what you've done?
What I've become, what I've become
Can't you see? Can't you see?
I don't understand this cruelty
I don't understand but now I see
There's something I don't wanna understand
The only way a woman is gonna want a man
The only way you'll ever keep her in your hands
Is breaking apart her heart
Don't tell her she is the reason that you live
Don't give her everything that you got to give
If you want to keep the girl for as long as you live
Just break it apart her heart
I don't understand this cruelty
I don't understand... its just not me
I don't understand this cruelty
But now I see
----------------------------------
Back to my blogging, about the above song, so true.
This song is about a nice guy(I will call guy A) who really likes a girl. She doesn't really care about him at all and doesn't answer his calls or letters. He asked her on a "date" or maybe just to hang out with him, she lied and said she was sick so she couldn't. Anyways he goes out (I presume with friends) and he sees her with him(Guy B). Guy B doesn't care that she's with him at all. She fellows Guy B around like Guy A follows her around. Guy A is now understand that girls don't want a nice guy. Guy B is mysterious, makes her cry etc. She can't have him and she KNOWS she can have Guy A anytime she wants, thats why she doesn't like him. The nice guy (at the end of the song) is clearly asking the girl, can't you see what a jerk I have become basically because of what she done.
Don't understand? Too bad. Just posting this for fun.
Anyway, tomorrow having Mother Tongue paper, seriously no mood to do. I can really sleep by reading just the stupid comprehension, like just 5 lines? I read chinese word-by-word not by sentences so it's super slow. I would rather learn the rest of the 6912++ language in the world before embarking on Mandarin.
German or French? Thinking of signing up an additional language in polytechnic. Think german would be much more suitable for me and higher chance of using it in future jobs.
To those who don't need to go to school tomorrow. SCREW YOU!!!! SMARTY PANTS (Only applicable to the subject, Mother Tongue)
Don't understand? Never mind, I'm also do not want people to understand.
If two people are meant to be together, they will somehow or rather, don't be an 'angel' and help couples. If anything goes wrong, you got to answer for it. Less troubles, live happily =)
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Super shit day for me today.
Had stomach pain during morning assembly so faster rush up to the hall's toilet after assembly. Felt better after that.
5-6 questions on Amaths later, the pain came back, whenever I rack my brains to solve the problem, the pain just can't allow me to think. So, I give up. I stopped around there.
Additional Mathematics Paper 1 FAILED.
Luckily during Chemistry, the pain was gone, went through it smoothly.
Prelim gave up on 2 subjects, Amaths and mother tongue, was planning to give up mother tongue only, but now. Hais.
Anyway, I must get a pass in my Amaths, just a C5 or C6 would be good enough, though I aimed for B3 or A2 before that.
My aim now is, mug super duper hard on Amaths now, at least get a distinction in my paper 2.
Pain still on now, it just comes and goes.
Not sure what type of pain is this, so I took 3 different kinds of stomach relief medicine.
I love you GOD.
Bless me tomorrow.
God, don't play anymore tricks on me please... This ain't fun.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Mugging super hard these 2 days. Need put super lots of effort in my Amaths and Chemistry!
Need to do well, my result for these two subjects do affect someone.
Stress~ (no la. Haha. a little bit)
Todays' papers were alright.
Mother Tongue on Friday? I don't give a damn.
Getting new handphone on next Saturday.
Right things are always right because the right kidney is right. Am I right? I think I'm right because I'm looking to my right now. What if one day you were around a square house and walk straight, turn right, walk straight, turn right, walk straight, turn right, walk straight and turn right again would you be back at the right spot?
Monday, September 10, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Me so dead. God, give me the strength to study please.
Geography and Maths P2 tomorrow.
Gone case for Amaths. =(
All the best tomorrow!
Many, lots, abundance, countless, numerous, plentiful, abounding luck to me!
Goodbye brothers ( for hungry ghost)
Physics
LEFT OR RIGHT KIDNEY SPOIL????? AHHHHHH
WHICH ONE??? SO MANY ANSWERS.
REPLY ME.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Emaths paper 1 and Physics paper 2 prelim exam tomorrow.
All the best to everyone =)
Good luck to me >.<
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Went to my auntie house at Bedok with my mum to collect things.
Decided to go for braces after the olevels =(
So, things to do after olevels:
1) Get my Golden Retriever puppy!
2) Get braces =(
3) Repaint my room myself
Guess it will be a busy holiday for me!
Friday, September 7, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
What a great day for me today!
Woke up at 1030 today and started to organise my computer and add some new stuffs inside.
Headed to BPP after that to meet up with darling to have lunch. I was thinking to eat KFC there but saw the softballers there so we walked around, thinking where to settle our lunch. In the end, went back to KFC as we both had cravings from there.
Was eating halfway when I looked up and saw my primary school best friend. We had our last contact when we were in secondary 1 on teacher's day. After that, I always wanted to see him. At first I was not really sure is that him so I asked darling and she recognised him too. It's like wow, she can recognise a guy from primary two? We were from the same class back then, darling, paper god and me. So, I stared at him and finally he turned to me and he stunned for a little before waving to me in those 'huh?' look. I smiled at him of course, left the KFC earlier than him but I did not want to. I wanted to see how tall he is now as when we last met, he was taller than me. Bid goodbye to him and went to popular after that, came out and saw him again. Darling said that he doesn't seems to be a tall person. Woohooo!! I won! Sent her to school and went back home to study.
Fate really happens in this world, there he was, eating his 2 piece chicken meal in front of me in a funny way. W O W.
Should be tagging along with my mum and auntie with the secondary 1 cousin to Bedok tomorrow. In this case, I'll be studying Geography tomorrow.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Updated.
Watched Dead Silence and Evan Almighty yesterday, got one from an 'unknown' source and another at the cinema.
Staying home all day today, should start studying already as I haven't started anything on this holiday.
Transformers the game on my PSP.
Feeling bored, partly because I had finished watching all my favourite show, should I start on Heroes?
Don't think I have the time and energy;
The Simpsons - 400 episodes watched.
LOST - 69 episodes watched.
Prison Break - 44 episodes watched.
My name is Earl - ???
South Park - ???
Family Guy - ???
Heroes - No time! after olevels
Why do all american shows rock so much? I can't keep up with all of them, all seems so nice.
Those who wonders what the next episode of LOST on channel 5 will be, Mical dies when he goes through the sonic thing but somehow survived as he appeared again in the future episodes as the sonic thing was not set at a lethal level. I'm such a spoiler, but apparently, no one watches LOST. Bunch of idiots.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
Ratatouille wasn't that nice.
I'm missing LOST already. Be back on February 2008.
Prison break back on Sept 17.
Watching Fido next.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Friday, April 26, 1991
LOST will be ending on season 6. Which is during the 2009-2010 season. Damn, I still got to spend three more years to know what LOST is all about. Anyway, I finished my season 3, shall not say much as it will spoil the suspense. What keep LOST such a big hit will be its suspense. Touching part on the last 3 episode.
